Fathers and Fools
by BeyondTheClouds777
Summary: "I can't believe it! My own daughter hates me!" (One-shot) Hiccup and Astrid are married.


"Say Daddy."

"Mummy."

"No, Dagny. Say Daddy," Hiccup said, smiling encouragingly. "You can do it, Dagny."

"Mmmmm….Mummy!" Dagny decided happily, pointing at Hiccup.

"No, your Mummy's over there," Hiccup said gently, gesturing to Astrid. Astrid smiled at him, and then at her daughter.

Dagny pointed to Astrid. "Mummy?" she asked.

"Yes," Hiccup said. "Say Daddy now."

"Mummy!" Dagny said.

Hiccup threw his hands over his head in the "surrender" gesture. "She hates me!" he said. "My own daughter hates me!"

Astrid couldn't help but laugh. "She doesn't hate you, Hiccup," she said. "She's just stubborn. That's entirely your side of the family, so you can't blame me for our daughter's stubborn side."

"Mummy," Dagny agreed with her profound two-year-old wisdom.

"No, she totally hates me!" Hiccup said. He pointed at his wife. "You!" he said. "She's always favorited you!" Although his tone was accusing, his smile gave away the fact that he was merely joking.

"Mummy!" Dagny said happily, clapping her hands together.

"And now she's agreeing with you!" Hiccup said.

"Hiccup, she's two years old," Astrid said. "It's not like she's never going to figure you out."

"Figure me out?" Hiccup asked. "What does that even mean?"

"I don't know," Astrid smirked. "Figure it out. You're the smart one, Mr. Stubborn."

"Mummy!" said Dagny.

"No, Astrid, she just hates me," Hiccup said. "Watch this." He cupped his hands around his mouth and hollered, "Stoick! Dagmar! Coby!"

Hiccup's other three children came running into the main room.

"Yeah, Dad?" Stoick asked.

Hiccup looked back at Dagny. "Who's that?" he asked his daughter, pointing to his oldest son.

"Stoick!" Dagny said happily.

"Right," Hiccup said. "Now, who's that?" he pointed to Dagmar.

"Dagmar!" Dagny said as if it were the greatest discovery in the world.

"Right again," Hiccup said. "Now, who's that?" He lastly pointed to Coby.

"Cobo," said Dagny. She couldn't pronounce his name properly, so she always called her brother Cobo.

"Right again!" Hiccup said. "See, Astrid? Dagny knows her brothers and sister. And she knows you. Now," he pointed to himself, "who is this?"

Dagny thought for a moment, her big green eyes full of interest and excitement both at once. "Fool!" she decided, beaming at her father. "You fool!"

"Betrayal!" Hiccup shouted. "She hates me!"

"Fool!" Dagny agreed, and laughed, clapping her hands together. "You fool! You fool!" She laughed as if it were the most hilarious thing she had ever seen (which it might have been, considering Hiccup's facial expressions).

"Hey, at least she's finally identified you as something other than Mummy," Astrid said, standing up with her daughter in her arms.

"That's not always a good thing," Hiccup said matter-of-factly. "How would you like it if she started calling _you_ the fool?"

"She wouldn't do that," Astrid said simply, setting Dagny down on the floor in between her and Hiccup. "She respects me too much."

"Mummy!" Dagny said happily.

"Unbelievable," Hiccup said with fake sorrow. "I've been replaced."

"Oh, come on, Hiccup," Astrid said. "She'll get it eventually. Don't be such a toddler about it."

"I'm hurt, Astrid," Hiccup said. "Hurt by a two-year-old."

"You let that happen, Hiccup," said Astrid.

"The fool," Dagny said, pointing at her father.

"She's calling me a fool now!" Hiccup said. Dagny stared at him blankly. "Profanity!" Hiccup cried.

"She's two years old, Hiccup," Astrid said.

"He fool!" Dagny laughed.

"That's right!" Astrid baby-talked her daughter. She smiled at Hiccup. "Fool!"

"ASTRID!" Hiccup said. "Do _not_ encourage her!"

By now, Stoick, Coby and Dagmar had stepped away, laughing and chuckling to themselves all the while.

"Say Daddy," Hiccup said (well, more like begged, now).

"Mummy," said Dagny. "Mummy!" She pointed at Astrid, and then moved her hand to Hiccup. "Fool."

"Oi, rude!" Hiccup huffed. "I can't believe my own offspring hates me."

"She doesn't hate you, for the last time," Astrid said. "She just has the wrong idea...oh wait, no she doesn't."

"Hey!"

Dagny laughed in a high-pitched tone. "Mad fool!" she said.

"OH, SO I'M MAD NOW!?"

Dagny giggled. "Mad!" she agreed. "Fool!"

"Betrayal!"

"Trayal!"

"Do not repeat that!"

"Trayal!"

"How dare you!"

"You fool! Trayal! Mummy! Mad fool!"

"Hiccup, don't hurt yourself," Astrid laughed.

"You know," Hiccup said, "there is no doubt that this is your daughter, Astrid. She looks nothing like me, though. She talks like you, acts like you, and everything. I guess that's good. We really can't have two Hiccups running around, can we?"

"Oh, no," Astrid said. "One is enough for the whole of Berk. But honestly, Hiccup. You can sneak in a few traits here and there, you know."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Hiccup said. Dagny stood up and clapped, attempting to walk in another direction. Unfortunately, it sent her tumbling to the ground a moment later. "See?" Hiccup said. "That's from my side of the family." He stood up and picked his daughter up off the floor. "Can you say 'Daddy', Dagny?"

"Dagny," Dagny said, tilting her head sideways.

" _You_ are Dagny," said Hiccup kindly. He pointed to her. "Dagny," he said slowly.

"Dagny," Dagny said in reply, putting her hand against her chest, her expression thoughtful.

"There you go!" Hiccup said excitedly. "You're Dagny! Now, say Daddy."

"Fool."

"Unbelievable."

"'le'ble?"

"That's right, Dagny. Le'ble."

"Le'ble."

"It's not right."

"Not right."

"Say Daddy."

"Lunatic."

"WHAT!?" Astrid jumped up from her chair. "Where did she hear that word!?"

"Lunatic!" Dagny declared happily. "Fool!"

"Now looks like I'm a Mad Lunatic Fool," Hiccup said. "Can you please say Daddy, Dagny?"

"Mummy."

"Daddy."

"Mummy."

"Daddy."

"Daddy."

"Daddy...wait...what?" Hiccup asked.

"Daddy!" Dagny repeated happily.

"That's right!" Hiccup said happily, taking the girl into his arms again. "Daddy!"

"Daddy!" Dagny agreed happily.

"Right!" said Hiccup. He looked at Astrid. "Okay, big moment here," he said. "Okay, Dagny." He pointed to himself. "Who am I?"

"Fool," Dagny said. "Daddy Fool."

"Well," Hiccup said, smiling happily, "it's better than nothing."

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **THIS IS SERIOUSLY BASED OFF MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE! My friend has an ADORABLE little sister, and I was looking at them, and I was like, "Okay, now, who is this?" and I pointed to her sister, and the baby was all like "Anda!" and then I pointed to myself and said, "And who am I?" and she looked at me before saying, "You fool."**

 **We were busting up for like, five minutes straight afterwards. I still laugh about it, and she still notifies me as "Fool." Seriously, every time I see her she says, "The fool" and points wildly at me as if I'm some sort of brilliant discovery. :)**

 **Just so you all know, this takes place after my fanfiction, "How Not To Meet Your Ally" and before my future fanfiction "How Not To Give Up." :)**

 **So, I hope you all enjoyed this one-shot. :)**

 **Until next story! :)**

 **-BeyondTheClouds777**


End file.
